


A Cruel Reality

by mochjmins



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dystopia, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dream Smp, Dreams vs. Reality, Fluff, Gen, Grammarly is my beta reader, Panic Attacks, Post-Apocalypse, bc oh boy do things get dark, he thinks that theyre real, just a lil tho, more specific trigger warnings in beginning notes, since the world is on fire, tommy has dreams
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-08
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:41:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26903797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mochjmins/pseuds/mochjmins
Summary: “Y’know, that boy was there again”“Tubbo?”“Yeah, him”...In which Tommy meets a boy in his dreams and wishes it was real.
Relationships: Family dynamics - Relationship, No Romantic Relationship(s), Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit
Comments: 52
Kudos: 390





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> um, first time writing an ao3 fic but buckle up here we go

**1**

**2**

**3**

**4**

Wilbur’s voice cut through the tense air. Commanding and neutral, but everyone could hear him waver.

**5**

**6**

**7**

**8**

**9**

The president’s hand, once pointed towards the sky, came slashing down like a sword. 

**“10 paces fire.”**

And all Tommy could see was black.

* * *

He woke up in a cold sweat, vision blurring at the edges. Panic overtaking his body until he heard a familiar beeping that he knew to be his heart monitor. Tommy looked around, eyes adjusting to the brightly lit room. With a mess of a mind, he vaguely recalled the white walls surrounding him. Sniffing the air and blanching at the foul smell of medicine, he remembered where he was. He took a deep breath, letting his wound up nerves relax and uncoil. It’d been a while.

Morning came along with a mandatory meeting to see his counselor, the usual sh’t that he dreaded a little less than he wanted to. He sat on the same metal chair in the same boring office. Ears grating from the robotic hum of the freezing cold AC, meeting the gaze of equally cold and calculating eyes. As per usual, he went on talking, something he was confident he could do. Passionately describing the world he was in (even if he knew his storytelling efforts wouldn’t land, they never did). Narrating with great fervor, he told his story— _their story_ —of Dream SMP and L’manberg. The discs and the war, the people. _Oh, the people._

“Y’know, that boy was there again,”

“Tubbo?”

“Yeah, him.” Tommy thought back on his previous worlds. Memories flicked through his head like a slideshow. Distant images from SMP Earth of Tubbo hovering over a volcano. Even earlier than that, it was Hypixel where Tubbo stood over an infinite void. “Why do you think he keeps showing up?”

“Studies suggest,” his counselor stated, ever one to crush his hopes, "that humans value and seek companionship. Your subconscious simply must’ve created a friend for your adventures." And although said nicely, it was in a tone as bored and uncaring as a certain pig he knew.

“Maybe..” Tommy guessed it was true, but he still had a question eating away at his mind. “What if he was real?”

“Pardon?”

“What if Tubbo was real?” He said a bit more apprehensively. 

“Tommy,” they sighed, hand coming up to lift off their glasses. Revealing tired eyes and lines deeper and darker than his own. “You know as well as I do that your dreams are just that, dreams. No matter how much you think it is real, it is not and never will be.” And Tommy could hear the silent _‘He is not real’_ in their words. 

“But-“

“End of discussion,” they shut him down again, “your next dream will start on Monday, enjoy your time until then."

Tommy left the office with drooping shoulders, silently slipping out and carefully closing the door. He walked down the narrow hallway, recognizing where the hall ended and another room began. The lobby, a place he knew well, the only place in the entire facility that displayed windows. Ones wide across the wall and tall enough to reach the ceiling. Windows that were so painfully clear. And as he gazed outside at the vast and barren wasteland of their world, he felt tears well up inside him that threatened to spill out. 

Because even if it wasn't real, _fvck_ , he really wished it was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edit: jan 21
> 
> hey hey hey it's been almost 4 months since i started this and i decided to rewrite the first chapter. just the first one though so the chapters afterward may have less quality but i may rewrite those too if i have the time. i rlly appreciate all the support ive gotten on this fic and even if im to updates, thank you to those who have stuck around for the new chapters <3


	2. Hell on Earth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy's life is sh't, but so is everyone else's

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo i just realized that this fic gets pretty dark so um 
> 
> tw // mental instability

Tommy was born to a world where everyone lived through their dreams. The outside reeked of death and stretched out into scorched lands where no one (at least nothing human) could survive. Hopeless, civilization turned to dreams to fill their last years of life. Dreams, prolonged through modern science, would last for days and weeks, sometimes months, and rarely ever for years. When sleeping, the body acted as it would during a regular coma, and the person would only wake up if they “died”. Waking up to their cruel reality was like a slap to the face to many. This world was hell compared to the neverland of dreams.

* * *

Tommy strolled around the facility. He knows it used to be a hospital, long, long ago. But that was before the scientists at NASA announced that the sun was expanding.

That was before the world watched on livestream as mercury was swallowed whole. 

Before society went into a panicked frenzy and alarms blared through the sirens. 

Before they announced that Venus would be next, and inevitably, Earth. (And so they could only sit and wait, as their planet would become, quite literally, hell on Earth.)

He was never a history expert, but the few classes he had on it left an impact on his soul. He was 10 years old then, he’s 16 now. The story was horrifying to him as a kid, it still frightened him even today. 

* * *

If you never saw the outside, you wouldn't think anything was wrong. 

The facility was well kept, spotless white walls lined polished floors, and bright lights filled every shadow. The people inside were as oblivious as they wished to be and as full of life as they wanted. Of course, those same people were ones that slept every second of the day and would beg to sleep again as soon as they woke up. 

(Tommy would often hear muffled screams and sobbing through the thin layers of the building as others would plead to sleep early. Eventually, the noise would die down, and Tommy would stare at the wall feeling nothing but pity for the person on the other side.)

The facility was well kept, but frustratingly dull. Every wall was blank, every ceiling tall, the doors barely made a sound, and the people were as quiet as mice. There was a time in his life where Tommy would relentlessly search the building for something others didn't bother to look for. Trying to find one thing, just one flaw. He stared at the ceiling for hours trying to find a single crack. Sat in the cafeteria alone, longing for someone to talk to him. He searched and searched for hours, racing through the halls, breathing raggedly. After an hour, he gave up. 

He gave up, but he didn’t break. 

What scared Tommy the most about the desperation of his peers wasn't their frantic eyes or unstable mental states. No, he wasn’t terrified of that. 

Tommy was scared sh’tless because he understood.

He understood why he barely saw his “friends” anymore, why his counselor didn’t call him crazy about Tubbo. He understood why his mother looked out the lobby with dead eyes and a resentful smile. 

He had witnessed the horrors of his world and grew up with the crushing truth that everyone knew, yet he refused to break like the rest of them. 

Tommy refused to break.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote more but it was a lot so i figured it could become 2 separate chapters


	3. Kitchens can be Happy Places

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lunch ladies are pog

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally, some fluff

The weekend went by in a blur. He spent most of it either doing nothing or in the cafeteria talking with the lunch ladies. Since his friends were “busy”, most of the time he sat at the back table in the kitchen and annoyed the staff. The lunch staff was his last hope for this place. They were nice and gave him cookies to snack on as he would talk with them to pass the time.

Sometimes they would invite him into the hectic kitchen and teach him how to cook. 

The first time he tried, the chicken turned out burnt and inedible. But he was too prideful and decided to eat it despite the unappetizing black. Immediate regret had filled him, and he lunged for the nearest trash can. His ears had rung with their hearty laughs and cheers, and he was unsurprised to hear his own laughter chiming along. The memory held warmth to him on the coldest days. 

This is why in his last few hours before his next dream, Tommy spent it talking with one of the lunch ladies, Sylvee.

“I just can’t help but think that maybe Tubbo is real, that they all are.” He said, looking down with uncertainty swimming in his head.

Sylvee took off her apron and shouted a quick “Taking a break!” to the rest of the kitchen. She sat next to Tommy on the bench and offered a final cookie with a kind smile. He took the treat gently and nibbled on it as she responded. “I think he’s real too.”

“Really?” Tommy gaped, causing the other to chuckle.

“There is a chance he could be,” she said, pausing to glance around to catch anyone who may be listening. Sylvee leaned closer and whispered, “I met someone from my dreams once.”

“You did?!” Tommy yelled before realizing how loud he was and sheepishly waved away the looks they were getting. He pretended not to hear Sylvee’s sigh.

“Yes Tommy, I did”

“Who?” He asked in a hushed whisper. He couldn’t stop his gasp when she gestured behind her towards Krinios, who caught Tommy’s stare and winked with a knowing smirk. 

“Stop staring you child,” she giggled, and Tommy broke through his shock and laughed, saying something along the lines of “I’m not a child!”.

Tommy was eternally grateful to the lunch staff. They had become the home he never knew, they taught him how to be strong.

They refused to break, too.

* * *

Tommy left the cafeteria smiling. After finding out, he spent the last hour excitedly questioning Syvlee about it. She answered with faked annoyance and fond stories, things he came to know were just part of her personality. Still, Tommy was happy. Because for the first time in a long while, he had hope. He had hope that Tubbo, and maybe everyone else he’s met in his dreams, could be real. _And holy fvcking sh’t,_ Tommy could actually meet his best friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the first fluff of the story and its after 2 other chapters, rlly tells u how angsty this is gona be


	4. MCC....?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy goes zzzzz and is blinded by rainbows and sunshine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw // 
> 
> drugs , mentions of drugs , needle , needles 
> 
> (it's a fictional drug but still)

He was back in his room again. The happiness from earlier had worn off the moment he opened the door. One of the nurses had been waiting inside for him with a syringe. Slowly walking over to his bed, he spared a glance at the moving cart and gulped at the needle. If there was one thing Tommy hated about dreams, it was the process that happened before them. 

Dreams weren’t entirely natural, the state of mind was, but the prolonged ones were a result of modern science. The drug was a silvery blue liquid, thin as water and cold as ice. Stored in small vials shorter than a pinky finger.

(A few scientists developed it at the start of all the panic, when the government still had some semblance of control and people were in denial of reality. The invention, like any other non-legal drug, advertised an escape. As anyone would have expected, it was highly in-demand with such little supply that people held riots outside the laboratory. )

Fast forward a few million years later, where most of the Earth’s surface was burning and devoid of any life. That reality was Tommy’s current timeline. 

He resided in one of the sanctuaries that were scattered across the continents. It was located in what used to be the UK, though he knew other facilities were out there that they could never get in contact with. He wondered if Tubbo was in the same circumstances that he was in. That was, if Tubbo really wasn’t a figment of his imagination.

* * *

Sylvee had told Tommy that she first met Krinios in a place called SMP Earth. Hearing those words, Tommy had fallen still in shock.

_“You mean, you were in SMP Earth too?” He barely heard his own voice but Sylvee seemed to catch his dilemma._

_“Yes,” she stated, eyebrows furrowed in confusion, slowly realizing what Tommy had whispered. “I was the leader of the Bean Empire.”_

_And a memory sparked. The Battle of the Pit._

After that, he shared how he remembered Sylvee from his dream before he even met her while awake. They came to the conclusion that dreams could be connected, and that meant the people they met (at least most of them) could be real. 

He didn't mean to get his hopes up, but no one could blame him.

\- 

So when he sat in the middle of his bed, heart pounding in anticipation at both his discovery and the needle inching closer to his skin, he made a decision. 

Tommy was going to meet Tubbo, awake.

* * *

Tommy opened his eyes only to immediately close them again. Counting to 3, he squinted to avoid being blinded. _Why the fvck was it so colorful?_

Before him was a massive dome with a shining crown resting atop the glass— _well that's excessive_ —the walls were a vibrant array of colors that seemed to reflect the nature of its surroundings. In the distance, he saw lime against light blue in floating hot air balloons that decorated the sky. Patches of palm trees littered the sandy beach he stood on, and tiki torches ran along the walkways. (Tommy noticed how the main building was sprouting from offshore, as if it had emerged from the deep waters one day without anyone knowing why.)

The sunlight was warm, not too gentle or harsh. And the soft breeze that hit his face was cooling as he breathed in the open air. He thinks that maybe this could be the most relaxing dream yet, wait— _dream?_

Tommy was _not_ supposed to know, not supposed to be self-aware because dreaming didn’t work that way. So why did he remember? Normally, you’re dropped off somewhere with no memory or recollection of the real world. Was it a mistake? A faulty injection? There haven’t been reports of lucid dreaming in decades, so what was happening? However, Tommy had no time to answer these questions as he noticed a large crowd gathered around a stage where a man with cyan-colored hair stood in front of a mic.

**“Welcome everyone to the 9th annual Minecraft Championships!!”** The man announced. He had an accent, but it was different from Tommy’s, and you could hear his smile as he spoke. **“As most of you know by now I run the event and welcome new players, so those in the audience who haven’t yet participated in MCC please step up to the stage. I will be explaining the game and sorting you into a team, thank you for your time.”**

The crowd dispersed as Tommy cautiously walked toward the stage, mind riddled with confusion and panic. He would probably be less nervous if he'd encountered this situation with no memories. Unfortunately, he held the curse of self-awareness, which made everything ten times more terrifying. Appearing to be the first one there, Tommy approached the cyan man who introduced himself as “Scott", holding out his hand for a handshake. Tommy froze for a second. 

_If I’m gonna make this plan work, I need to act like I usually do in dreams_ , he thought. So with a deep breath, he lifted his chin, and with a smug grin, firmly shook Scott’s hand. He opened his mouth and in a loud, boisterous voice, said,

“Ello, my name is TommyInnit.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's been 2 weeks but i am back, if u rlly like this story then tell me if you prefer updates in short chapters every other day or long/medium chapters every week, reminder that feedback helps a lot bc this is my first time writing a fic so it's vv much so appreciated


	5. The Boy Obsessed With Bees

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His eyes caught green across the plaza, landing on a familiar boy in a misbuttoned shirt.

TommyInnit, that is who he wanted to be.

He wanted to be confident.

He wanted to be loud.

He wanted to be funny.

It was the persona he built through his dreams, a successful businessman, a chaotic friend, a noble vice president.

All the things he couldn't be while awake.

(Awake, he was unsure, quiet, and most days struggled to smile.)

So because he remembered, he enjoyed everything a little more. Smiled a little brighter and laughed a little louder. He took in everything and engrained it all into his mind. The memory would last longer that way.

Then his eyes caught green across the plaza, landing on a familiar boy in a misbuttoned shirt.

Tubbo.

The boy had stars in his eyes, gasping at the ginormous building on the beach. He watched Tubbo dart around, a skip in his step as he wandered aimlessly. It reminded Tommy of a kid at a carnival (even if he knew Tubbo was older by a few months). 

Tubbo, the boy obsessed with bees. Who was blunt, chaotic, and the only person worthy of being his best friend. It all started with them. It was Tommy and Tubbo against the world, and that would never change. 

He watched Scott approach the hyperactive boy with a friendly smile and a handshake, which Tubbo took eagerly. Tommy looked away, content with talking to them later. He had all the time in the world after all, _right?_ (He could lie to himself today, if only for a little while.) He walked towards one of the daybeds on the shore, claiming it for the night as he sat down and relaxed into the soft fabric and cool shade.

* * *

Scott had explained to him that MCC was a competitive event where ten teams of four would play in games for fun. The winners would be crowned and awarded custom gold coins as prizes. Tommy was confused about what “Minecraft” was but assumed it was the world name and went along with it. He wasn’t too surprised by the strangeness of it all. Having concluded a long time ago that things in dreams did not abide by the laws of science. 

Certain people called “admins” had special powers, injuries could heal within seconds from a full “hunger bar”, and people could store items in their own little pocket dimension. (He’d seen Tubbo pull out a whole ass fvcking boat from his shirt pocket once like it was nothing). In conclusion, dreams were weird.

It was like everything was amplified, physical ability certainly was. Here Tommy could run for hours and hours without feeling tired and could fly through the air fearlessly. He could push past his limits because he had none. Here he had power, held the skills to survive, and the knowledge of how to start from the ground up with nothing but himself. 

He liked dreams, liked the simplicity of it all. In dreams, people just lived to live. It was something Tommy admired in all of them. He strived to be like them. 

So when the sun was setting on the horizon, the previously clear blue sky now a palette of pink and orange, Tommy felt his eyelids droop and let himself rest. The events of the day finally dawning on him with the slow rise and fall of his chest. Tommy would live life tomorrow, but tonight he would enjoy a night of calm rest. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> quick short chap bc im having too much fun w the next one, i rlly dont know what a healthy mix of fluff and angst looks like so im just gona make one arc rlly fluffy and another arc rlly angsty ok? ok
> 
> oh and someone made cool art for this fic go check it out!!! https://cheeseblocktm.tumblr.com/post/633228808352366592/i-should-not-be-legally-allowed-to-touch


	6. Summon the King

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy pulls a Tommy and fvcks sh't up the moment he arrives

Tommy woke up before the sun rose, his body well-rested and calm. Not quite ready to start his day yet, he was content to watch the sunrise. The grey world was slowly illuminated by white, the light soft enough not to burn his eyes. He sat comfortably for a few minutes, bundling deeper into the warm blanket that— _wait a fvcking minute, what blanket._

Tommy jumped, realizing he was wrapped up in a blanket that wasn't there last night, effectively chasing his sleepiness away. 

“What the fvck…” he murmured, still disoriented from the sudden shock. 

Which is why Tommy had an entire fvcking heart attack when something poked his shoulder. Tommy did _not_ shriek. He did not (he did). Heart still racing, he turned around only to find Scott there waving apologetically.

“What the hell man, you scared the piss out of me!” 

“Sorry," the cyan man said with a guilty smile. "But team announcements are soon and I need help waking everyone up, think you could help?"

The first mistake was asking _Tommy_ of all people for help. The boy mischievously grinned from ear to ear, already imagining the things he would do. His smile only grew wider when he saw the look of immediate regret dawn on Scott’s face. 

Scott’s second mistake was showing Tommy the entrance to the stage. A few minutes later, Tommy was up on stage with no audience. _But that would change very soon_ , he snickered. TThe boy messed with the speaker controls recklessly against the useless pleas of Scott trying to stop him. Stepping up to the microphone, he tapped it to test if it was working. It did, in fact, work, letting out a loud piercing screech that almost made Tommy flinch. _Oh boy, this was going to be good._ He hit the button that started the music, and the speakers boomed so powerfully the ground shook.

And then, he broke out in song. 

**“GET-TING BORED OF WALLS 2, I SHOULD FIND A NEW MINIGAME, OCT-TO-BER 2013, SAW THE GAME AND I THOUGHT—”**

He doubled over in laughter when _very_ grouchy people began to stomp towards him. Giggling into the mic, he pushed himself to continue.

**“OH MY GOD, THE FVCK IS THIS”**

“I WILL BURN THIS PLACE TO THE GROUND” Sapnap was indeed holding a flint in steel in his hand, and Tommy knew the man's words weren't an exaggeration. He continued anyway.

**“SO MANY, OP KITS”**

“STOP THE DEMON CHILD" Fvckin Wilbur and his dumb name-calling. Fvck your beauty sleep b'tch.

**“BUT I GUESS, I’LL PLAY A GAAAAAMEEEEE”**

Tommy broke out in a cackle. The angry mob below him enraged and partially set on fire. He fell to the ground in hysterical laughter, tears in his eyes as the instrumental of the song went on without him and people continued to riot. This was the best sh’t Tommy had done in a while, even if his stomach hurt and he was laughing so hard he could bust a lung. He calmed down and caught up to the song, resuming his singing. 

**“—SO THAT WAS BLIITZZZ, IT’S BEEN OVER A YEAAR—“** The song was nearing its end.

He heard shuffling behind him, _oh sh’t_ , but was set on singing (hollering) his heart out until the very last line (or until he was physically unable to).

**“—IT’S GETTING QUITE INSANE, I KEEP GET-TING JANI-TOR-ED BUT—THAT’S J U S T T H E G A M E.”**

He dropped the mic for extra effect, standing strong as everyone else flinched back from the spike in audio. After tying off the song as loudly as he could, he turned to the menacing figure behind him with an sh’t eating grin. 

* * *

Technoblade. The Blade. First ranked in potatoes. King of the Antarctic Empire. A legend in Tommy’s book. Even if they’d never see eye to eye he couldn’t just disregard the other’s reputation. Technoblade was feared, and oh so long ago Tommy had wanted to be just like him. 

Technoblade, with his velvet red cape and candy pink braided hair. Technoblade, who wore a golden crown adorned with gems and was an absolute god at fighting. He radiated power and held an authority that made people listen. Really, who wouldn’t want to be like him?

* * *

“Ello Technoblade,” he greeted the pig hybrid, whose aura emitted murderous vibes but Tommy remained unphased. He strolled towards the pig casually, indifferent to the other's growing rage. Mouth spewing whatever BS his mind could come up with at the second. “So you a fan of my singing—“

“DOWN WITH THE ORPHANS“

And yeah sure, Technoblade _did_ attempt to murder Tommy, (the diamond sword was just inches away from his face.) And okay _maybe_ the pig had to be held down by 10 people before reluctantly giving up, and no the pig's eyes were _not_ blood red andglaring _gathimholysh’t—_

But Technoblade was still Tommy’s friend (even if only Tommy remembered that). 

* * *

Tommy now had bodyguards. Both of which were admins, he had the admins on his side! Being treated like a VIP was cool, even if it was because everyone else kinda wanted to kill him. _I was only helping Scott do his job like goddamn no one needs 1o hours of sleep, ugh drama queens._ _My singing isn't_ that _bad right?_ he thought. Doing so while watching a man in a neon green hoodie— _Dream_ —sharpen an axe. And no he didn’t gulp when another with clout goggles— _George_ —loaded a _very_ sharp arrow into his crossbow. Yup, Tommy was definitely safe here, absolutely nothing to worry about. 

_  
It was fine._

(It was not fine)

* * *

He may have made enemies with the entire server but guess what? Three of those enemies would soon be forced onto a team with him, and Tommy had already made it his personal goal to annoy the sh’t out of them. He almost pities his teammates, but why would he be sad when he could be pogging at their pain instead? It was a much better way to think.

It was currently day two of MCC, the event took place over 12 days. On the second day, they announced teams. Days three to ten were reserved for the games, with one played each day. Day eleven was the final match between the top two teams, and the last day was the after-party. (12 days, Tommy had 12 days to figure sh't out.)

He marveled in his special seat. Floating off the ground and above the crowd, much to the displeasure of those scowling at him from below. Everyone gathered around the stage again, this time to hear Scott announce the teams. 

“First of all, I apologize to those who were abruptly awoken this morning, but I was the one who asked for Tommy's help, so please don’t hold anything against him.”

Tommy beamed smugly from his seat, arms crossed as if challenging anyone to attack him. People seemed to begrudgingly look away, and Tommy felt like he just earned a win. 

“Now, for the team announcements," Scott continued. "The first team is the Pink Parrots with….”

* * *

“Lime Llamas will be…” at this point Tommy was only half listening. They had announced 5 teams so far, none of which he was in. Tommy could only watch in amazement as people he _knew,_ people he’s _spoken to before_ , gathered at the front and split off into their groups. Every familiar face and voice made his heart skip a beat, fascination thundering behind the bored expression he wore. “...Tubbo,” wait- Tubbo’s team, would he be in it? Tommy waited with bated breath, hearing heightened as if his ears had zoomed in.”..Dream, Fundy, and—” this was it. “—Sylvee.” 

…..Syvlee..?

A strikingly familiar woman walked to the front of the audience, looking scarily alike, yet still so different from the one he knew. The Sylvee he talked to in the cafeteria had chestnut brown hair, while this one was blonde. The Sylvee that offered him a cookie had bags under her eyes and the hands of a worker, while this one looked like she didn't even know how to cook. This Sylvee couldn’t possibly be the same one he knew, they were too different.....but what would that mean? What would that mean for everyone else he knew? Wrapped up in his internal conflict, he was torn between two sides and didn’t know which to one believe. Both had evidence for _and_ against his theory, but he desperately wanted to believe one of the sides was true. 

..So did that mean that Tubbo….? 

Tommy’s eyes darted to the boy in green, to bright and doe with a face full of joy. He wasn’t sure he could handle it if...if Tubbo wasn’t real. In that way, he was like everyone else at the facility. Desperately clinging to something that may not even exist, oh what a hypocrite he was. 

* * *

“...And the final team will be me—” Scott was announcing the final team, the one Tommy was probably in since his name hadn’t been called yet. “—TommyInnit,” yep there he is, who else then? “...Wilbur Soot.....and Philza Minecraft.” And for a split second, Tommy’s world stopped spinning. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a a a i meant to publish this a few days ago but got super busy, anyways, it's the calm before the storm guys ;o


	7. Goodbye to a World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy's memories of a world long gone

Fvckfvckfvckfvcksh’tsh’tsh’tsh’t. Panic rose in Tommy’s chest as his chair began to lower towards the ground. He wanted to stay in the air, it was _safer_ in the air. He wasn’t ready to see them again, see the people he considered his family. He was scared that those years together were memories only Tommy remembered. 

* * *

SMP Earth, weirdly enough, was a dream based on the Earth’s past. Places he only read about in history books actually existed there, in their dream version of Earth. The map looked the same, continents and oceans covering the surface and stretched on as far as the eye could see. The only thing missing was civilization, but people soon began to fix that. They started cities, countries, empires. Took over continents and constructed palaces. Each leader began their nation from the ground up, and each was prepared to fight wars over it. There were treaties and alliances, friends and families. People weren’t serious enemies with each other. Everyone was just there to have fun. 

Even back then, Tommy was eager to ignite chaos and start wars. Establishing Business Bay with a few friends, he would fly around stealing from multiple people. Setting out to make his way up in the world.

There, Tommy first met Wilbur. 

Wilbur was a strange fellow, living in a quaint little house on the outskirts of the forest in his new nation, “Newfoundland.” Though Wilbur pronounced it as “Newfundland”, and Tommy just assumed the man didn’t know how to read. He questioned the zombies in the basement and lent some dirt when Wilbur blew up his own land. Hopping back into his plane, he took off again. This time traveling to Antarctica thinking he could steal from Technoblade. Which wasn’t...his best idea to be honest. He angered the infamous pig king and was soon ruthlessly chased out of the glacier and forced to retreat back home. 

These kinds of shenanigans went on for months. It was Tommy's life.

Every day, he would wake up, hang out with a few friends, expand his faction, and try out another money-making scheme. He began scamming, starting with a rabbit's foot for a bunch of emeralds and skyrocketing his career as a businessman. Then one day, a hit was ordered on Philza for Tommy to carry out. He only knew the man to be the second in command of the Antarctic Empire, equally as fearsome as Technoblade as they were both rumored to be unkillable. Tommy geared up, paid Techno 20k for good measure, and ambushed them on their Boomer Bridge. It didn't go exactly to plan, and somehow he ended up angering both the entirety of the Empire, plus Wilbur and Charlie from his own Cumin Squad group. After the fresh betrayal, they rushed him at his base and Tommy had no allies to back him up. 

It seemed he made a lot of enemies. Tommy didn't know how or why, he just had a knack for pissing people off and wore it proudly like a flag. He lived a life of adventure, partaking in many wars. He started the Battle of the Pit, fought God (admins were technically gods right?) and challenged the mighty Technoblade once again. It went on like that, and he spent his days making the most out of his time there. It was fun, and he was happy.

* * *

One day he was flying around and caught a glimpse of a...missile (??) from below, looking like it was headed towards his base. Next to it, he saw a curious mop of brown hair.

It was a boy in a misbuttoned green shirt, he was working on a strange redstone contraption. He seemed to have heard Tommy arrive, ears perking up and brown eyes darting around. The brunette looked up, gaze catching Tommy’s plane, and waved with a smile. Tommy landed and moved to talk. 

“Why have you built a missile looking thing headed to my base?” he demanded. The boy chuckled and responded. 

“This isn’t a missile.”

“What is it then? Because you got some serious explaining to do.”

“Have you never seen an airship before?” 

“No,” he deadpanned. The boy only giggled. It was their first time meeting, and the mysterious boy sparked Tommy's interest.

“What’s your name?”

“Tubbo.”

“...Aren’t you going to ask mine?”

“Ehhh I don’t really want to know.”

“How dare you not want to know me!! I am TommyInnit! Tommy Trusty!”

“Well then Tommy, I’m Tubbo, and I’m not gonna tell you what this redstone thing is.” Tubbo grinned and pushed Tommy off the high platform. 

Tommy fell through the tree branches and landed below, not really injured because of the armor he was wearing. Above Tubbo was laughing, barely hearing Tommy’s angry yells of “You’ve messed up, you’ve just messed the hell up!!!” He began building back up to the platform. Missing to see Tubbo hop into a plane, and was confused when he couldn’t find the boy. 

“Tubbo, come speak to me on this platform and we can talk about this okay.” He called out, still not knowing where the other was. He heard panicked laughter from above, “Where are you Tubbo?”

“Look up, I’m completely stuck!!” and saw Tubbo somehow stuck midair and belted out in laughter. Tubbo was in disbelief and struggling to leave his plane. Eventually, he did but fell to the ground with a curse. Tommy could only sit back and laugh. 

Tubbo left Tommy with an ominous threat to Business Bay, but Tommy shrugged it off as he did with every threat on his life. (He had a _lot_ of “enemies” at this point, it didn’t affect him much anymore)

* * *

He saw Tubbo a few more times after that. Invited him over to Business Bay one day and the two just messed around. It ended with Tommy stealing Tubbo’s armor and giving it away to a woman that he now knows was Sylvee. A few weeks later, he had heard that Tubbo started a hitman business and decided to check it out for himself. 

“Hi, Tubbo.” The sun was currently setting, and the outside of the building was drowning in shadows. 

“Hi! Welcome to my hitman shop,” Tubbo greeted him with a laugh.

“You’re a very upbeat hitman if I do say so myself,”

“Yeah! I am so excited to kill, man, WOO” 

“O..kay“ Tommy let out a nervous chuckle, but he knew Tubbo was just joking. It was all for fun after all. 

“Alright okay, follow me this way,” Tubbo began to walk inside. “Come into my office.”

The small office was homey, with many large windows that showcased how dark it was outside. Tubbo sat behind a wooden desk, shelves of books behind him. Tommy sat in the client chair across from him and made his request for a hit. 

“I will pay you 192 diamonds,” Tommy offered. 

“192 diamonds?!?!?” The boy exclaimed, voice cracking and mouth agape, clearly shocked at how high the price was. He then closed his mouth and cleared his throat, recovering from the outburst. “I guess,” he responded cooly, “but I want half first and half after.”

“Deal.” And Tommy handed him the diamonds.

They took off to do the hit and things...didn’t go very well. Tubbo managed to fail and they were forced to flee, then tried negotiating with the enemy. No one noticed that during the chaos, Tubbo slipped away and flew off. 

“Wait, so you don’t have the diamonds?” Tommy asked. He’d been very confused for the past few minutes. Tubbo said that he somehow lost the diamonds and that the other side must have it. But Tommy had been asking the bodyguard—Calvin—non-stop and the man kept saying he didn't have them. Tommy was starting to think that they actually didn’t have the diamonds, so then…..Tommy gasped, _Tubbo?_

He opened his GPS and saw Tubbo’s icon flying away. Then it dawned on him, the only thing in that direction was a volcano, oh no. He quickly hopped on his own plane, lending Calvin a ride too. 

“He’s gonna burn the diamonds!!” Tommy shouted. Calvin nodded and went to sit in the passenger seat. 

They arrived at the volcano, spotting Tubbo from across the lava with the diamonds in hand. 

“Hey guys, hey” The boy grinned. “Now I don’t wanna do anything drastic here Tommy,” he was sitting on the branches of a tree, just hovering above the dangerous burning liquid. 

“We can talk about this, the diamonds don’t need to get hurt Tubbo,” he responded, knowing they were just playing around, Tubbo wouldn’t actually jump into the lava. 

“I have the power now Tommy, don’t do anything drastic, I will jump.” Tubbo played along, enjoying having the upper hand for once.

“Let me do the talking," he gestured towards Calvin, who shrugged and backed away. 

“Armor and swords off, right now, both of you” Tubbo demanded. 

Tommy hesitated, and Tubbo snickered as he dropped a few diamonds into the lava.

“How does a couple diamonds gone feel?” He had an evil glint in his eyes and the devil on his shoulder. 

They then threatened to blow up Tubbo’s island with TNT, pressuring the boy over the lava even more.

“Tommy, don’t do anything you’re gonna regret here buddy,” Tubbo laughed nervously. He took a step backward, expecting there to be ground there. 

But there wasn’t.

And Tubbo fell.

And Tommy watched him fall. 

Tommy saw the panic on Tubbo’s face as the boy's body began to drop backward.

And Tommy reached after him.

Tommy leaped off the tree he was standing on, too caught up in his friend’s life to register the lava below.

And Tommy tried to save him. 

Tommy caught the fear in Tubbo eyes as they widened in shock and realization, the horrifying realization that you're about to die. It played in slow motion, as the lava hit his back, and Tubbo was gone.

**“NOO O O”**

And Tommy fell too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i miss smp earth sm, i actually used their actual interactions for this with a few changes. anyways hope yall liked it, reminder that feedback and criticism is very welcome as appreciated as it is my first time writing and publishing a fic like this so it really helps a lot !! thank you all for the support <3
> 
> my socials hehe:  
> twt - @/gogybby  
> insta - @/mochjmins


	8. They Were(Are) His Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy’s heart skipped two beats that day, one for the dad that didn't remember him, and the brother that showed him the sunset.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw // 
> 
> anxiety attack ?¿

Tommy remembered it all so vividly. How he woke up in a panicked frenzy, gasping for breath and feeling the ghost pains of lava burning his skin. Of course, Tommy knew that realistically, he wasn’t actually going to die. But every time he dreamt he didn’t know that, and it always felt so real to him. The boy continued to breathe in and out, eventually calming down. He moved to rub his eyes for a better look of the room, but his hand stopped when it met tears. Why was he crying? His vision blurred as his eyes continued to drop tears, but he didn’t move to dry them.

That night he mourned the loss of a world long gone.

(A picture appeared in his mind of him with the brightest smile. He didn’t even know he could smile that wide. Tommy was in his signature red and white tee. Behind him, a pig-hybrid was dressed in a cape and crown, his expression blank, but Tommy knew that was the man’s happy face. Next to him was a shorter figure in a green and white striped hat, lavender wings sat on his back, lifting him into the air. And laying on the ground, eyes closed with a content smile, was an admin in a yellow sweater and red beanie.)

He never got to say goodbye. 

* * *

Tommy walked up to the front of the stage feeling a little dejected. And if Scott noticed the twinge of sadness in his smile then he didn’t mention it.

“Hello Tommy! Are you excited for your first MCC?”

“As excited as I can be.” He replied sheepishly, a slight quiver in his voice. He heard footsteps approach and took in a deep breath.

“Oh great! I’m teamed with the demon child,” a deep yet upbeat voice said from behind him. Tommy’s heart skipped a beat, but he kept his composure. He rolled his eyes and turned around. There stood Wilbur, in all his narcissistic glory; dressed in the usual yellow sweater and red beanie, his treasured guitar strapped to his back.

“Says the senile b’tch with a guitar,” he fired back.

“I’m going to punch you.” And Wilbur probably would’ve been more intimidating if Tommy wasn’t almost the same height as him. 

“You can’t punch a child Wilbur cause I’m a child.”

“I’m gonna beat the sh’t out of you.” 

“That sounds a little much.” 

“O-kay break it up you two,” And between them was Phil, and Tommy’s heart skipped another beat. Phil drowned in the black and green robes that draped from his arms and reached the floor. A pair of lavender colored wings sat comfortably at his back. 

“I agree, I think we should all calm down,” Scott stepped in. “How about we start with introductions? I’m Scott.” 

“Wilbur Soot,” he flashed a grin, demeanor switching from annoyed to charming in seconds.

“Philza," when spoken out of the man's mouth, even a single word could sound kind. 

“And I’m Tommy, though I’m sure everyone already knows that.”

“Unfortunately,”

“Hey!” Tommy protested. 

Scott hunched over with an exasperated sigh, “Tommy why do you do this to yourself.”

“I just like making people upset, is that too much to ask?”

“Yes! Yes it is,”

“Well fine then, just for that, I’m going to try really hard to win this.” And he wasn’t lying, he did want to win. It just wasn’t the most important thing on his mind right now. 

“I don’t believe you,” Wilbur said, glaring and clicking his tongue. “I think I’m gonna have to give you some motivation.”

“Like what? I’m not afraid of you b’tch.” And it’s true, Tommy wasn’t afraid of Wilbur. He didn't think Wilbur was capable of hurting him. He'd mess around and joke about it sure, but never harm. 

“Oh, you say that now...” was the last thing Wilbur said before he left with a malicious grin. 

* * *

After that....ominous ending, the group decided to meet again later in the afternoon to train. Philza said he could convince Wilbur to come, so they just went their separate ways, and Tommy now had a few hours to himself. 

What could he even do? Most people here probably didn’t like him, and contrary to popular belief, Tommy wasn’t one for large social situations. Maybe if he didn’t remember, then he would have no problem walking up to someone with some sh’tty jokes and a goal to make friends. But now he was hyper-aware, and it was terrifying. 

It seemed like his real body reflexes transferred over into his dream, and because of this, Tommy would jump at the slightest of sounds. It came from the constant state of consciousness he trained into himself. This awareness eventually became built into his body, and was really beginning to backfire on him. His instincts were inconvenient and frustrated him to no end, but he couldn't stop. But why was it happening now? Nothing really groundbreaking happened, right?

 _Wilbur, Phil and Techno don’t remember you. Your family doesn’t know who you are._ It echoed through his mind and wouldn’t go away.

He gulped and hurriedly walked over to the nearest chair, shaking and breathing quicker than usual. He knew what was coming and wished it would be a quick. He put into motion the things he practiced in order to calm down, counting to 100 in his head as he took deep breaths, focusing on the feeling of cloth as his hands grabbed at his shirt. Waiting for it to pass, he let himself forget about everything else. Thankfully it wasn't a bad one this time, and the episode was over within a few minutes. Once Tommy was able to think clearly again, he glanced around, hoping that no one noticed his little breakdown. Thankfully, there was no soul in sight, and he let out a small sigh of relief. He sank into the chair and closed his eyes to rest for just a few seconds.

He didn’t notice the shadow that slipped around the corner.

* * *

Tommy had no idea what he was doing. About 10 minutes ago, he met up with Scott and entered a walled-in arena. A rocket launcher was shoved into his hands with a weird split cape tied to his back. Apparently, they were practicing for “Rocket Spleef”, and seconds after learning the game he came to the conclusion that it was definitely illegal and absolutely not safe for kids. Yet everyone jumped onto the bouncy floor at the first sound of the bell like the maniacs they were; shooting fireworks below them and riding the blast to jump up higher. People soared through the air and reached the tops of colorful pillars. Somehow the fireworks didn’t leave any scratches, as if the players were entirely immune to them, and everyone was just bouncing around like madmen. 

“Tommy, aren’t you gonna join us?” Scott questioned the boy’s hesitance. Tommy’s stance was stiff, gripping the rocket launcher in his hand so hard his knuckles went white. The color was drained out of his face, leaving him pale.

Wilbur seemed to notice the blonde's lack of energy, and instead of suggesting him to rest, grabbed Tommy by the arm and shot a rocket under them. The two flung up into the sky, Tommy letting out a panicked scream as his arms flailed around, eventually finding purchase on Wilbur’s clothes.

Tommy was afraid of heights. 

He was afraid of heights and currently midair about to fall. 

The scared boy closed his eyes and clutched onto Wilbur, expecting the man to let go.

What he didn’t expect, however, was to remain in the air. He slowly opened up one eye to see that they were soaring above the arena. The people soon turned into ants on the beach below them, and they were gliding through the clouds as Wilbur directed his wings to move towards the shore. Soon they were right above the ocean. Any lower, and Tommy would be able to part the waters. The sight of the glistening sea and sunset was beautiful. They were moving across the horizon, and Tommy felt like he was flying. 

“How do you like the view?” He heard a euphoric laugh from above him. Tommy looked up at Wilbur, who was smiling with eyes squinted as wind traveled through his fluffy brown hair, the red beanie somehow still snugly sat on his head. Wilbur looked happy, and Tommy preferred this happy Wilbur over the stern president Wilbur he last knew. At this moment, with them both feeling like they were suspended in the bright sky, Tommy forgot that Wilbur, without fail, took any and every opportunity to bully him. 

And so they both plummeted into the ocean.

* * *

Tommy dragged his heavy, water-soaked body onto the shore. Gasping for breath and coughing out the liquid in his lungs. Right next to him was Wilbur in a similar state, an annoyingly smug smile on his face. 

“What the fvck!” Tommy glared at the man who was now laughing hysterically on the sand. 

“That’ll teach you,” he chuckled. Slowly standing up, dusting off the sand and wringing his red beanie of dripping water. 

“D’ckhead,” 

“Gremlin,”

“You will feel my wrath,” Tommy threatened, though it seemed to not affect the elder as Wilbur walked off laughing. Tommy shouted curses at the shrinking figure, his voice echoed throughout the plaza.

* * *

Tommy was very upset. He was _soaked_ and _freezing_ as the winds blew against his shivering figure. Where the fvck were the showers? Isn’t this a beach?? Shouldn’t there be a shower house??? He sighed and kicked the sand, not noticing the shadow behind him.

“Hi,”

“FVCK,” Tommy was jump scared for the second time that day, and swiftly turned around to face a familiar brown mop of hair. 

“You good man?” Tubbo asked, curiosity and concern swirling in his eyes. Tommy was aware that this was their first time meeting in this world, but he could care less for introductions. 

“No, today has been absolutely horrible”

“Well damn, that sucks”

“I know right! First, everyone hates me, next Techno tries to kill me, then Wilbur drops me into the ocean! What do they all have against me? I'm such a great guy.”

Tubbo only chuckled. “I mean, you kind of do this to yourself dude.”

“I,” well, "okay fair enough,” Tommy admitted. Tubbo gave a small laugh. 

“Anyways, need help finding the shower house?”

Oh right, amid their small convo, Tommy completely forgot he was _fvcking freezing._ He was violently shaking and jittering now, teeth chattering and fingers turning blue. The sky had turned dark with the moon slowly rising from the east.

Tommy nodded and followed Tubbo, who led him to the showers without a word and pointed out the laundromat next door. Tubbo handed him a towel and waved goodbye and goodnight. Tommy didn’t know why the boy decided to help, but he was grateful nonetheless. He stood in the doorway and looked up at the night sky. With the stars sparkling in his eyes, he headed inside. Tomorrow would be another day. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo, i wrote this a while ago but forgot to publish it whoops, anyways thank you for reading and remember that constructive criticism is always appreciated!!


	9. A Starry Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the late hours of the night, loneliness creeps up on Tommy and leaves him to reminisce the past.

Actually, tomorrow was the official start and first game of the event. Tommy made sure to remember this fact while mid-shower and hit himself in the head for his forgetfulness. Everything was going terribly. If he could barely manage to keep his composure today, then he definitely wouldn’t survive tomorrow. He wanted to punch a wall but contained his frustration to just a few tired sighs. Remembering made everything so much more stressful and sent his senses into overdrive. It was like Tommy could barely relax. And even with the luxury beds, napping was useless since he would toss and turn and struggle to sleep.

He picked up his freshly washed clothes from the laundromat, tugging on his red and white tee. It was worn out and almost coming apart at the seams, but one look would show it was well-loved and taken care of. Tommy made sure of that. 

He took one of the handout blankets, draping it across his shoulders and over his head like a hood. He walked outside, barefoot since his shoes were still at the cleaners, and found a bench near the mini-golf course deciding to sit on it. Faraway, he could see small groups of friends scattered across the paths. Golf clubs in hand with glow stick bracelets and necklaces to light their way. He watched with longing as their bodies shook with distant laughter, and then realized that staring at other people was creepy. So he opted to gaze at the night sky instead.

“Free hot chocolate!”, Tommy's cold ears picked up the muted words. He looked in the direction of the voice to see a woman running a hot cocoa stand. Y'know what, why not? He was in the mood for some comforting hot chocolate (and also because it was like, free.) Tommy stood up and walked towards the stand, his bare feet traveling across the sandy concrete path. 

“Care for a hot chocolate?” The woman—Niki—offered as he approached the stand, her voice soft as it always was. The light that emitted from the window was warm and gave his hands color again. The setup was homely, and the heat trapped inside poured out and hugged Tommy like a second blanket.

“Yes please,” he said, voice shaking slightly though he hoped she didn’t notice. It seemed she did though, and Tommy watched her grab one of the bigger mugs as she walked to the back of the hut. Niki was in overalls and a white sweater. It matched her bleached hair, which was up in space buns, and contrasted the black side-bangs that framed her face. Niki hummed while she made the hot chocolate, throwing in some mini marshmallows and mixing it with a silver spoon that made a light sound whenever it clanged against the porcelain. She turned back around and gently passed Tommy his hot chocolate, napkins wrapping the mug so his hands wouldn't burn holding it. 

“Have a great night,” She waved him off with a small smile and kind eyes. Tommy seemed to be getting a lot of those recently, and he was thankful for it every time. It just made it a bit easier to breathe.

He walked back to his still empty bench, sitting cross-legged with the blanket wrapped around him cozily. He held the mug in his lap, the warmth becoming a calming source of heat. He lifted the cup to his mouth and took a sip. The cocoa wasn’t hot enough to burn his tongue but not lukewarm either. It tasted sweet and soothed his slightly sore throat, Niki always made the best cups of hot cocoa. His mind began to run off to faraway memories without him realizing it.

Tubbo’s hot cocoas were always too sweet, and Wilbur’s were somehow bitter. (Tommy suspected the man always lied and gave him coffee.) So he would often visit Niki's bakery. 

Her home was far away from all the conflict, living a quiet life in a hill right outside the docks. If he tried hard enough, he could still smell the freshly baked bread and the taste of sponge cakes. The scent of hot cocoa was one he was familiar with, remembering the many nights he would sneak into the shop only to find the woman already waiting there for him with two steamy mugs. He wonders what happened to her after he died. 

Tommy glanced back to the stand. Niki had her back turned to him and was no doubt still humming a tune he seemed to recognize.

Did they hold a funeral? Did she attend? Tommy pictured a devastated Niki standing over his coffin, lilies of the valley in hand. He could almost hear her cries as they lowered him into the ground. Tommy swiped across his eyes, he didn’t want to continue thinking about it.

He sighed and took another sip of cocoa. It was strange, being surrounded by familiar faces, but having none of those faces recognize you too. He felt alone, now more than ever. He had so many people to talk to, yet none he could talk to about this.

The cold night air was melancholy, a feeling Tommy knew all too well. If he listened closely enough, he could hear the soft piano Tubbo would play late at night when he thought everyone else was asleep. No one really was, but they never told the boy that. It was a pleasant secret, a nice surprise. The music was lovely and charming. Often it was a reminder of what they were fighting for.

And sometimes they would hear a guitar join in, telling them that Wilbur was awake and playing too. The days he spent in L’manberg’s walls are memories he treasures. Tommy wonders if they finally got their independence, and instead of feeling bitter about his death, was happy it would at least bring them peace. 

He finished his hot cocoa and went up to the stand to return the mug. Niki gave another smile and wished him a good night. Tommy returned the smile with one of his own. Though he must’ve looked dumb doing so because Niki’s grin only grew wider. He walked off, past the bench, and towards the daybed he slept on during the first night.

But what he didn’t expect was a note waiting there for him. His eyes widened with shock. The note was sitting there looking harmless if not a bit suspicious. But the words written on the paper turned Tommy's world upside down. 

_I remember you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was gona be a much longer chapter but i ran out of time so have this small snippet of what i consider a comfort chapter, oh and about that ending wait whoops look at the time i gotta run bye-


	10. What Does Home Feel Like?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy has a bad time, like, a really bad time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw // panic attack , blood , derealization?¿
> 
> if you wanna avoid it stop reading at “Border is shrinking.” and start again at "Focus."  
> the blood is just from minecraft battles and its nothing too graphic so dw, also i didnt realize what i was writing could also be taken as derealization so im tagging just in case

Tommy’s world just flipped on its axis and he had to force himself to breathe in and out. Panic, _was it panic?_ filled his senses and drowned out his thoughts. He didn’t know how or when his mind went blank and his eyes slipped close. But the boy welcomed the darkness with a tight embrace and let it engulf his existence. 

Tommy didn’t get a lot of sleep that night. Which he thinks, is pretty understandable considering the situation he was in. Someone out there remembered him, someone out there could be real. That single thought was everything Tommy lived for and more. But he couldn’t celebrate quite yet. The possibility that everything was fiction in kept him running circles in his own head. His fears were two sides of the same coin, going back and forth about the same subject for what felt like hours. Like- like uh...a debate club! Yes, a debate club, but one without the air of maturity and proper form that two debaters would have. Instead, his internal debate was a bit more emotional, paranoid, and maybe the arguments were even just plain illogical sometimes. But this back and forth catch and throw kept Tommy’s mind sharp. Leaving him observant of every detail he could collect and file away for later. 

Still, he just kept thinking and thinking. And sometimes he wished could pause his mind for even just a minute to have a well-needed moment of silence. He could feel his train of thought take off again, it’s carts rattling against the track. He found it easier to give in, hopping on to buckle up for the ride.

If Tommy had to choose a side, he’d choose to believe. Afterall, they didn't seem like the type of imaginary friends a 4-year-old would conjure up. Loneliness alone couldn’t create something like this, _right?_ Tommy could only second guess himself. Overflowing with doubt that he didn’t know how to deal with. His figure usually radiated confidence with every step, but when it came to this—when it came to something he truly cared about—uncertainty clouded his thoughts leaving him scared of the truth. The note _could’ve_ even just been another one of Wilbur’s pranks, except the wording made him suspect otherwise. ( _What wording? There were literally only three words! Why was he overthinking this?_ ) 

But for now, he remained neutral. Not too hopeful or hopeless, but somewhere in the middle. He hated being in the middle.

Whatever, Tommy shook his head, he couldn’t think of that right now, not when in just a few hours, the first game of MCC would begin. He got at least 5 hours of sleep… _.._ which, now that he thinks about it, is really bad. Even so, he shook away the overwhelming urge to say _fvck it_ and snuggle back into the coziness of his blanket. Begrudgingly, he stretched his long arms and stood up with a sigh. Starting his day with a slow stroll, he let the initial exhaustion melt away with every step. 

Picking up his now clean shoes from the laundromat, Tommy slid into the beach-themed cafe next door. Seashells and floaties hung from the ceiling by fishing nets and rope. The decor made it feel tropical, as did the open windows that brightened up the place with early sunshine. Sluggishly, the blonde stumbled towards the counter, ordering a coffee with as much creamer and sugar as possible. Walking over to the nearest table, he plopped down on the seat with a thump. Taking a tentative sip of the drink, he hoped the sweeteners helped the taste. It remained bitter, and Tommy stuck his tongue out in disgust. The tired teen sighed and slumped in his chair, deciding he could stay in the cafe for the rest of the morning.

_He watched through a window as people began to rise. They went about their mornings with easygoing smiles, well-rested and relaxed, ready to take on the day without a care in the world. (Tommy wishes he could be like them.)_

Later, after finishing his coffee and throwing away the paper cup, he glanced at the clock and reluctantly pulled himself out of his seat to stand up. Tommy bid farewell to the baristas—two lovely ladies he recognized as Puffy and Kara—and stepped out the door. Despite the unpleasant taste, the caffeine must’ve worked. As he felt his eyes open a bit wider and his body easier to move. Tommy sauntered towards the meeting spot they’d agreed on the day before, shaking out any nervous jitters he had. His walk broke into a light jog when he spotted Phil waving him over. A small smile teased its way into his features at the sight of them waiting and spread into a grin when he slipped into their easy-going conversation. But while the drink might’ve helped his tiredness, it didn’t affect his appearance. And if his team members noticed the dark circles under his eyes then they didn't say anything about it. 

* * *

Above the dome’s entrance hung a gigantic TV screen. Displaying glowing white numbers in a timer, 30 seconds left. Everyone gathered at the start of the drawbridge, waiting for the other side to lower. A chorus of voices chanted a countdown in anticipation, sounding similar to midnight on New Years'. Tommy could hear his teammates banter behind him, but he didn’t bother to join in, too busy marveling at the sparkling fireworks on display. (He’s never seen _actual_ fireworks before, they disappeared a long time ago. But if they were anything like these, then Tommy knew that they were beautiful.) Colors lit up the sky, sparks like exploding mini-stars, reflecting in his bright blue eyes which were dazzled by the show. He didn’t even question why it seemed to be night during the early morning, the admins must’ve set the time for the opening. 

“10! 9! 8!-'' With the countdown reaching its climax, the crowd buzzed with excitement. People of all backgrounds and characters screaming and cheering as the one morphed into a zero. An air horn blared and roared, echoing throughout the beach and reaching the ears of the players.

Declaring the start of MCC 9. 

Across from them, the second half of the the bridge lowered and dozens rushed to cross it, the cluster of bodies racing into the dome. The bridge shook from the weight of their steps but held sturdy for another day. Inside, the grand dome was spacious. Its high glass ceiling functioned as a skylight, and floors upon floors of seats circled the center for watchers to peer from above. There were elevators on each side, where Tommy spotted the max capacity sign. _25 people huh?_ Schemes were already swirling around in his head. He followed his team to the center of the dome, which sunk into the ground in a colorful 10 piece pie.

“Welcome to the Decision Dome!”

Standing on the red balcony, Tommy had a clear view of the other teams. Eyes darting around, something caught his attention from the top of his sight. Pictures flickered on the TV screens that hung from above before finally settling on different images. He glanced at some of the games, bright blue eyes jumping from screen to screen. _Sky battle..? Sands of Time? What kind of games were they?_ An egg popped into the hands of every player as a vote. He watched people chuck the eggs into the pit below and his eyes widened in surprise when fully grown chickens emerged. Curious, he threw his own egg, not aiming for any particular game, and gasped when a chicken _did_ appear, _interesting_. His ears picked up on the flowing conversation of Scott and Wilbur in the background. (“—oh it might be battle bo- wait no it’s sky battle”) But Tommy didn’t quite understand what those were. Only vaguely registering the groans of his teammates at the announcement of the first game. 

“Sky Battle! Teleporting soon…”

* * *

Tommy blinked, his body above a spiral of floating islands. He couldn’t see anyone, but a voice that seemed to come from inside his mind began listing off the rules.

“Here’s how you play....the aim is to remain as the last team standing…..”

Tommy peered down at the islands below, seeing the chests in the air held up by mini-hot air balloons. There were iron blocks on alternating islands that could be used to craft armor, and the brewing stands on the second ring... _hmm…._

“...gather resources, craft, and eliminate your opponents to survive....”

And at that last sentence, Tommy smirked, already letting confidence creep into his stance. He could work with this. Yeah sure, he may be an anxious mess right now, but he also knew his sh’t. Knew it like the back of his hand. 

Three rounds total, each twenty minutes, one “life” per round. (They were in a different realm, a pocket made by the admins just to host games. Pockets were usually little mini-dimensions they could enter and exit. Here, he didn’t have to fear the threat of death. So Tommy knew falling into the void wouldn’t instantly mean game over. If he died in the main realm, however, that was a different story.) 

A border, 20-minute time limit, and infinite blocks. It kinda reminded him of an old game he used to play during his Hypixel days. _What was it...Sky wars?_ Yeah, Tommy could absolutely own this game.

They dropped onto their islands, all they had were iron chest plates, stone tools, some food, and infinite red team-colored blocks. They were given 5 minutes to come up with a strategy, and Tommy took the lead. 

“Listen up, this is my game,” He said, and surprisingly, no one doubted it. Not even Wilbur, which was..a bit suspicious, but Tommy wasn’t complaining. “Ok ok, we’ve got hard teams next to us,” Tommy bit his nail, glancing nervously at the team to their left. Techno’s team, definitely needed to avoid the left. 

“We go to the right,” 

“Yeah,”

“Someone grab those iron blocks,” He heard Scott say, but Tommy was preoccupied with peering down into the void below. The blonde gulped, maybe even broke a sweat. He was about to throw up and the game hadn’t even started yet! The announcement filled his ears, “Starting in 3, 2—” he took a deep breath and shook out his nerves, he could do this. Tommy was _not_ going to fall into that void, not if he could help it. _I can do this._ Looking ahead, laser-focused on reaching the right island, Tommy prayed that his skills hadn’t disappeared over the years. _Limbs don’t fail me now._ “—1.”

He let his instincts take over, swiftly making it to the right island and throwing open the chest’s lid. Grabbing the crossbow with swift hands, he tossed one to Philza who caught it with ease, quickly loading and firing arrows under scary accuracy. 

“Border is shrinking.”

Tommy paced, looking around for their next move. His teammates were busy putting up barriers to protect from projectiles, but other teams were already on the inner ring. _They were already behind._ While his teammates were busy crafting themselves full iron, Tommy could only stand still, frozen in place. Everything was swirling around him like a whirlpool, happening too fast for him to react. People were shouting and screaming in the distance. Light reflected off of the brightly colored blocks and the beaming sunlight shined into his eyes. He felt paralyzed, sounds fading in and out until he could only hear his ragged breathing. It was all too much, the world muting, and colors growing more saturated by the second.

Why did he think he could do this? Nonono he should’ve just made an excuse not to play, he couldn’t handle this. 

itstoomuchtherestoomucheverytihgnistoobrightandicanthearwhycantihear

His team was counting on him to think quickly and on his feet. Right now he was doing the opposite. Suspended and stuck in time while the world moved in blurs around him. 

whatshappenignwhatamidoingweareplayingagamearentweohright _skybattlebloodfightmakeittothemiddle r u n_ .

He jumped when a wave of pain passed through his body.

“Tommy we need to go.” The border was here. 

_theborderisherehowlonghaditbeen_

“Tommy, it’s going to be alright.” Someone said but he didn’t catch who. 

_familiarwarmwarmthlistencalmbreatheinbreatheo_ utinhaleexhaleinhaleexhale 

Focus _._

He scrambled to the edge and bridged to the inner island, the rest of his team following close behind. They reached the inner ring, where enemies awaited them stacked in gear, stances tense and weapons raised. 

Fighting came easily to Tommy. He’d spent hours practicing sword fighting and target practice. Knowing how to sharpen an axe and string a bow were crucial survival skills, everyone vaguely knew how. But Tommy knew his craft better than most others, even if no one recognized him for it. For him, swinging a sword and shooting a crossbow was second nature. And it came out in full force as he charged headfirst into a team of four. 

(But even the strongest warriors could fall. And this fact always lingered in the back of Tommy’s mind.)

A sword sliced into his side but Tommy could barely feel the fresh wound. The impact, however, knocked him off the island, and soon the floor below his shoes were replaced with air. In a last-ditch effort, he threw an ender pearl to the middle. And he knew the attempt failed a second after the pearl left his hand. Eyes widening in realization, he fell into the void with a silent scream. 

* * *

Tommy woke up almost immediately after, heart pounding in his ears as he bit out a curse. He could hear his teammates waking up nearby but prioritized slowing down his breathing. 

“Dying” was a terrifying experience, one that Tommy associated with despair and the end of a dream. So “dying” than waking up in the same dream was a bit unnerving, and Tommy half expected to see the white walls of his room. But eventually, the knowledge of his safety caught up to his running thoughts, and his surroundings finally came into focus. He twisted his stiff neck both for relief and to look around. His body had respawned in a small room above the islands. Less of a room and more of a floating glass box that had beds and a mini snack bar in it. 

(He also took note of his teammates trashing the snack bar.

“Save some muffins for me fvckers!” He halfheartedly called.)

Tommy rolled his eyes and exhaled a sigh of relief, glancing at the timer in the sky. 

8 minutes left of the first round. The first fvcking round. There were two more rounds of this sh’t, two more horrifying deaths that Tommy dreaded. Heart rate climbing just at the thought of it, he felt a pang of jealousy rise in his chest. He didn’t know how the others could do it, dying and respawning like it was _nothing_. Reasonably envious of how they could think of death as nothing more than an inconvenience. However, he swallowed the bitter taste in his mouth before it tainted his mindset. 

So Tommy sat back, closing his eyes and steadying his breath, deciding to rest before being thrown into the chaos of battle again. 

* * *

Fireworks thundered around him, fiery embers landing on his iron armor and sparks blinding his vision. They’ve survived a little longer this time. ( _Because this time I didn’t hesitate_ , Tommy smiled inwardly at that fact.)

Rushing the islands and pushing back the other teams, the Red Rabbits held the inner ring under their control. After wiping out the Yellow Yaks, they looted the chests for valuables. With the clock ticking, the border closing in, and voices shouting at him to get to the middle, Tommy was in his element. 

Narrowly avoiding an attack, he crossed a bridge and made it to the center. He noticed that Wilbur and Phil were gone, and only Scott met him at the last island. 

He died shortly later to a well-aimed sword wound from Sapnap. 

* * *

“We don’t like Sapnap, we just don’t, he’s not that appealing’” Wilbur grumbled.

“Agreed man,” and Tommy couldn’t place where he heard that sentence before. 

* * *

**The last round.**

“I’m getting really shaky but we’ve gotta rush it,” Tommy said, hearing the hum of agreement from Scott. “Ok we did really good but we need to be more aggressive,” his eyes quickly traveled from left to right. “—to the right, right’s easy.” He decided, mind going a mile a minute, they had to do well. 

“Starting in 3….”

“2…”

“1.”

* * *

Blood and chaos, things Tommy thrived in. He bathed in blood and laughed off the pain, it was just how he was. 

He would always get bored easily, and a bored Tommy is a Tommy looking for some fun. So with constant boredom came the constant urge to fight. And as a kid that could barely contain his energy, Tommy was almost always roaring to go. Eager to set off either his mouth or his fists, or most times, both. His personality naturally sparked conflict. He knew what buttons to press and the right words to use. He had a reputation and held it with pride. With a knack for getting into trouble, his main source of entertainment came from the chaotic situations he created, so who cared if he caused madness for a bit of fun?

It was a bit concerning, yes, but Techno’s obsession was way more worrying. Compared to him, Tommy was harmless...more or less. 

So his drive to fight paired with how easily he could provoke people, Tommy became known as a force to be reckoned with.

However, the moment someone shouted “Technoblade!!!!” Tommy knew they were fvcking screwed. Soon he could no longer hear his teammates’ screams, he cursed their luck. They'd fallen victim to the blood god so early into the game. It all happened in a quick flurry of movement, the world spinning as he hurried to escape and hide somewhere relatively safe. His forgetfulness left him open to archers, and shock struck him when an arrow pierced and dug into his side. Thankfully, the adrenaline numbed the pain, but nothing could save Tommy from plummeting into the void. 

He saw Tubbo’s guilt-stricken face as he fell.

* * *

“TUBBO NO!!” Tommy awoke with a screech, jolting into a sitting position as his chest rose high and fell low with panting breaths. Mind racked with confusion, the boy stared into the sky. Eyes emptily gazing into space as he felt the betrayal seep into his heart. Letting the pulse behind his eyes fade, he began to process...and though he hated to accept it, Tommy knew it had to be done. This was a game, and Tubbo didn’t remember. And that this probably wouldn't be the last time it’d happen. It hit him like a sucker punch to the gut, and he physically recoiled to the realization. This wouldn’t be the last time he’d die at the hands of his best friend. And even if that thought squeezed his heart and left it writhing in pain, Tommy didn’t let out anything more than a whimper. 

“He had to kill me, I would’ve done the same.” He whispered to no one but himself, yet he couldn’t help doubt his own words. 

* * *

“Hey it’s okay man, I got killed by my stereotypical betrayer too,” Wilbur’s hand gripped his shoulder, Tommy didn’t notice himself lean into the touch. 

“Tubbo has never betrayed me,” Tommy protested, though it wasn’t the truest statement in the world. 

“No, but I mean like,”

“Ohh yeah like, the worst person to betray you—”

“—to betray each of us, yeah.”

“All I feel is pain.” And Tommy laughed it off as the others began to move on from the convo.

* * *

5th place, a strong start. 

Wilbur began promising a reward if they placed high at the end of the event. And Tommy had been tuning out the guy for a while when he heard the words “—fifteen grand.”

“WHAT” His head turned so fast it was a miracle his neck didn’t snap. He could hear Phil and Scott in utter disbelief as Tommy registered how big that number was. 15k...holy sh’t. 

“Fvck..” Phill muttered.

“No pressure, no pressure!” He exclaimed, arms waving around, a nervous habit of his, as he was obviously feeling a lot of pressure. 

Phil laughed again, “Yeah no pressure Tommy! No pressure.”

And though Tommy knew Phil said it jokingly, he still felt the stress pile and build up in his head, the weight on his shoulders grows heavier. He could only rub at his face and pull at his blonde hair, reassuring himself of reality. _(Well, kinda reality)_

He didn’t care all that much about the money, no. I mean what would he even _do_ with 15k? Really, it was the increasing pressure for him to perform well that kept him sweating bullets. 

Tommy often felt like he was on stage, standing under a bright as fvck spotlight. Panic rising an inch higher with every awkward second of silence that went by. His mind desperately reaching for lines to say and struggling with absolutely no script to read off of. Like improv! But improv done on 5 hours of sleep, and made by a traumatized and stressed out 16-year old that could barely even take care of himself. So how did they expect him to lead others? For a second he let anger cloud his mind at the unfairness of it all but quickly pushed away those thoughts. Leaving the conversation and picking at his cuticles as they announced the MVPs of the game. 

* * *

Apparently, they’d played through the afternoon, and now a few hours away from dusk everyone had split off onto their groups exhausted and ready to hit the hay, Tommy was no exception. The teen had all but collapsed onto his daybed, deciding to catch up on the hours of sleep that he missed. Convincing himself that someone would wake him up later for dinner. He passed out as soon as his head hit the pillow and gladly welcomed the darkness into his body. 

* * *

Tommy slept through dinner. Realizing this when he woke up to a pitch-black sky that was darker than dusk. The sun was nowhere to be seen. 

His body shivered from the absence of a blanket, and when he lifted his hands to rub at his eyes, he flinched at his cold palms. Tommy swung his legs over the chair to sit up, rubbing his hands together and letting the movement chase away his grogginess. His breaths came out in a puff of mist that floated up in the cold air. He looked around at the people still awake, familiar faces chatting with their also familiar friends in the plaza. 

No one bothered to wake him up for dinner. 

A claw began closing around his heart, and when tears began to gather at the edges of his eyes he pleaded for them not to fall. It was his fault, after all, foolishly expecting someone to care. Tommy swiped at his eyes and carefully stood up. Shakily and slowly, he took a step, then took another, exhaling another misty cloud. With each step, the chore of walking became easier as he inched towards the dome. Even if he missed dinner, Tommy was willing to beg for any leftover scraps they had left. Some food was better than no food.

On the 3rd floor of the Decision Dome sat the cafeteria. And though Tommy knew that the food stands outside would gladly offer him food, he wasn’t in the mood to face anyone familiar right now. 

Tommy stepped into the elevator and jabbed at the third button. The short ride up stopped with a ding and the doors opened to a relatively empty room. Tables and chairs were scattered across the floor in disarray, a sign that people were here fairly recently. Only the kitchen workers remained, cleaning up forgotten candy wrappers and dirty plates. One of them noticed him standing awkwardly next to the elevator, and Tommy saw as a spark of recognition lit up their eyes. Briefly stepping away from their task, they motioned towards Tommy, then pointed in the direction of the serving area. Tommy bowed his head as thanks and walked towards the counter. There, at the very end, he spotted a single styrofoam container. Hesitantly walking forward, he saw that there were words written on the lid in bold, black ink. 

“For TommyInnit.” It read, someone remembered, someone....cared. He lifted the lid with unsteady hands and let out a small gasp. 

A slice of steak and a baked potato, both still hot and steaming. Next to it, a loaf of freshly baked bread, and he could even see a bottle of honey peeking out from behind. Tommy closed the box, holding it carefully like a treasure as he carried it outside. With light steps, his legs carried him to the same bench he sat on the night before. Crawling onto the creaking wood, he sat cross-legged and placed the meal on his lap.

He opened the box once again and melted into the heat it emitted. Mouthwatering, the hungry teen scooped up the baked potato in his hand and took a bite. 

The food was warm. Warm like Niki’s hot chocolate, warm like Phil’s hugs. Warm like the fireplace during winter, like the banter with his friends, like rivalries with Techno. Warm like home. Oh, that’s what it was. This warmth felt like coming home. Something pricked behind Tommy’s eyes signaling that the dam was about to break. He took another bite into the baked potato, then another. Tears bloomed from the corners of his eyes and streamed down his cheeks like waterfalls. 

This warmth felt like doing stupid sh’t with his friends on Hypixel (Eryn would always laugh at Tommy’s antics. Setting up random stands and blatantly scamming people like the dumb kids they were) Soon nothing was left of the baked potato, and he moved on to take a bite of the steak. 

This warmth felt like waging “war” against Techno just for the fun of it. (He always lost, yet never gave up. The constant wars were honestly just an excuse to hang out with the man. He’s certain Techno knew it too, and yet he still never denied Tommy’s plea for company.) He cut the bread loaf in half and poured the honey onto it. His soft sob was muffled by the sweetness in his mouth. 

This warmth felt like helping Tubbo harvest honey from his bee farm. (Though he’d never admit it, Tommy had taken a liking to Tubbo’s bees. And made an effort to listen to Tubbo’s rambles and could list off every bee’s name and how Tubbo got them. Yet without fail, Tommy always ended up angering the small creatures, but in his mind, the painful stings were worth Tubbo’s smile.) 

Tommy didn’t know how he got here. Weeping over a hot meal on a cold bench under the moonlight. Alone with no blanket, yet he was warm. He was warm and surrounded by friends. Even if they were just memories, Tommy wasn’t alone. And even if only one person remembered, he could still live if no one else did. Happy just to be able to see them again. 

And as his tears ran dry, and his hiccups began to slow. Tommy looked down at his now empty plate and gave it a heartfelt smile. He had 9 days left. And even if he didn’t find what he was looking for by the last day, he would still leave grateful. At least he got to see them again.

One last time.

Before the sun swallowed Venus in 8 months.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahaha so um ive been working this chap for the last month and im still not happy w it tbh. it's the longest chapter ive ever written but like idk if it's good or not bc it feels kinda rushed. cue me trying to make minecraft have some kind of logic in this, basically its vanilla mc but like has modern sh't too (so like TVs and markers exist and its totally not a plot hole ha) I wanted to write more into this and ive never rlly written action before so i hope this is ok? remember i appreciate all criticism (bc like i have no beta reader and just reread my writing until i hate it but) so feel free to point things out that i can change. anyways, hope yall liked this chap im gona sleep after publishing this so goodnight <3


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